Charles Goes to The State of the Union

This entry is part 7 of 17 in the series Political Satire

You see, Kendrick Lamar's flow is just so ill. That's probably what me and Barry are gonna bump as we cruise through DC post-SOTU. (Steve Jurveston/Flickr)

You see, Kendrick Lamar’s flow is just so filthy. That’s probably what me and Barry are gonna bump as we cruise through DC post-SOTU. (Steve Jurveston/Flickr)

President Obama delivered his State of the Union address last night, aiming his focus primarily on the middle class. I was able to get in touch with some high profile contacts and get their feedback on the address.

Question: “What did you think of President Obama’s State of the Union address?”

Ann Coulter: I think guns that guns Obama pandered to his side of the aisle and guns and I’m wearing a Gucci frock right now look at me please. Everyone look at me guns guns guns guns. I think guns.

Tucker Carlson: I have nothing to say, but maybe my bowtie does…? (Mr. Carlson stared at his bowtie for 2 minutes until he determined it had nothing to say).

Mitt Romney: President who? Oh, yeah. It was fine. I only watched the first five minutes because I watched an episode of “How It’s Made” about rugs instead. I watched how they make rugs for every room of the house! It was just fascinating. I also watched an episode of GIRLS. I love GIRLS.

Pope Benedict XVI (@Pontifex on Twitter): @BarackObama SOTU address was cool. Im all up in the Prada store right now using the Vatican credit card before I have to give it back. I’ll post pics on Instagram 4 yall.

Wayne LaPierre: I didn’t get a chance to see it because I was out selling assault rifles to 7th graders to dinner with my wife.

Donald Trump: We don’t need higher taxes, we need a Donald Trump in the White House to *fire* President Obama and cover the Washington Monument with gold plating and fill the reflecting pool with champagne because I am the pinnacle of luxury.

Joe Biden: My boy Barry crushed it tonight. Classic Barry O. We’re gonna go cruisin’ tonight through DC. Don’t wait up, Michelle.

Charles Blyzniuk is a junior at CMC. After turning down offers from ITT Technical Institute, Wendy's, and Goldman Sachs, Charles decided to transfer to CMC. Majoring economics, he is preparing for a career as an R&B superstar.

One Response to “Charles Goes to The State of the Union”

  1. DroneStriker says:

    This is juvenile.

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